


Memoirs of a Student

by chigaijin



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Closure, Gen, Post-Canon, Spoilers, Student Council, The show itself needs archive warnings but this just alludes to things, lots of cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 15,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22195288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chigaijin/pseuds/chigaijin
Summary: Fifteen years after the events ofRevolutionary Girl Utena,investigative journalist Shinohara Wakaba decides to publish a memoir about her teenage years and the school she attended.[cross-posted from FF.net]
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

It's funny. I remember back in high school—no, it was earlier, middle school. In middle school I had really low self-esteem. It seemed like everyone else had their lives all put together, and here I was, just…stagnant. 

(It might be strange to imagine someone thinking that in middle school. But it's true! It's the best way I have to describe it, anyway.) 

I don't think most people noticed. I was one of those girls who had always been a happy kid on the outside, and so even into middle school I went on doing that. I could take care of myself—it was a boarding school, see—and I kept smiling and laughing. I don't think _I_ knew how to be unhappy then. 

What I remember most, from that middle year of middle school, was the scandal when the captain of the kendo team got suspended indefinitely, and no one knew why. Like everyone else I had a crush on him, or thought I did. (I even sent him a love letter once, can you believe it? That's what kids do, I guess.) But what happened was I came across him in the town, and he _recognized_ me. 

That's what I'd like to think. In actuality he probably just saw the uniform, and saw that I recognized _him._ But in any case, we started talking, and somehow the idea came up that…he would stay in my room. I know, it's ridiculous! A high school boy staying in a middle school _girl's_ room. But I didn't even think of that at the time. I just wanted to be part of something special. 

Something special. It wasn't even about him, really, although it certainly didn't hurt! It was that I had a secret. It was that I was connected to the captain of the kendo team. It was that I was _important._ For two weeks I was sailing blissfully around campus, and everything I touched turned to gold. My test scores improved. I had lunch with the other girls from my class outside and we laughed together. Boys blushed when I looked their way. 

And then I found out the kendo captain was still in love with his ex, and somehow that made it all come undone. Like I said, in retrospect I don't think I was ever actually into him _that way._ It was more like a celebrity crush, and that feeling you get when a celebrity descends into your world and notices you. And she shattered that, without ever saying a word. 

That day, everything extra I'd been doing that month caught up with me, and I collapsed. I can't remember what happened, actually, but when I recovered and went back home he was gone. A few days later he made his triumphant return to the school, and all his "adoring fans" turned out to cheer for him. Like I used to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accepted canon in this fic: the anime, the Sega Saturn game (yes, really). Definitely not canon: the movie, the recent anniversary manga stories.


	2. Chapter 2

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

_It's funny. I remember back in high school—no, it was earlier, middle school. In middle school I had really low self-esteem. It seemed like everyone else had their lives all put together, and here I was, just…stagnant._

It wasn't until my last year that I broke out of all that, when Yurika came along. Yurika was another girl in my class who, for whatever reason, decided that I was the coolest person in our grade. She'd come to watch my tennis games, wait for me after school…even run up and surprise me by jumping on my back. With that kind of attention, how could I continue with my previous outlook? How could I think I was being left behind when this girl clearly thought I was at the front of the pack? 

I say "for whatever reason". I did ask her, more than once, but I never got a real answer. I think she felt like it was obvious, that anyone would want to be my friend. Maybe it was true. 

She did eventually tell me, very candidly, that she thought I was pretty. Before that I had never thought about girls in that way, and it was a shock to even consider it. And yet it somehow made sense. I remember being kept up thinking about it, for multiple days even, and then I finally had this _dream…_

We ended up going on a few dates before mutually deciding to go back to being friends—and I do mean mutual. She herself said it wasn't working out. Last I heard she had moved out to _______ Province and was living in a house with her brother. 

But of everything Yurika did for me, that was the most important. We don't talk much anymore, but I'm still very grateful to her. 

The interesting part in this whole story is that I was in the exact same place the year before. There was a girl, in my class, popular but not one of the popular kids, talented but not in any of the competitions…going through life like she had her own spotlight. You probably know the type. And I followed her around like a puppy. Not every day, but enough. Me and the other girls even made a joke out of it, calling her my "boyfriend". 

We were friends for two years. She was perfectly nice to me, always happy to hang out when she wasn't busy with sports or other friends. I played it cool, teased her, made her lunch a few times. But secretly I was thrilled to spend time with her. 

It wasn't until Yurika that I realized I had been in love with her. By then she was gone, of course. Something happened and she transferred out to another school. 

You know, it's funny. I can't remember her name. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yurika" is the girl who appears for maybe 10 seconds jumping on Wakaba's back in the very last episode of the anime. As far as I can tell, she doesn't have a name in canon, so I picked a name that also has three syllables and ends with "-a" (Ute _na_ , Waka _ba_ ). It also has multiple convenient connotations.
> 
> This section was written before I learned that Utena's aunt was _also_ named Yurika; the two characters aren't intended to be connected but I didn't feel like changing the name.
> 
> Also, since it's unlikely to come up in the story, I'll mention that this author's perspective is that Utena cared about Wakaba much more than Wakaba realizes. Just to clear that up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shinohara Wakaba:** So, you've been running this place for, what is it, five years now? 

**Kiryuu Nanami:** That's right. 

**SW:** It's great that you've found such success here. 

**KN:** Yeah, it hasn't always been easy! Turns out the restaurant biz is pretty tight. Making it as the new kid…you gotta fight to keep from getting wiped off the map. 

**SW:** That's what Arisugawa-san was telling me… Were there ever any times you were worried that you weren't going to make it? 

**KN:** Honestly? I always had a feeling about this place. Not that we were invincible or anything, but that success was certain in the long run. …And it helped that one of our founding chefs came from a rich family. 

**SW:** Ah, yes. Chef Saionji? I saw a special on him just the other day. 

**KN:** Yep, his tamago-yaki is to die for. 

**SW:** He went to school with us, didn't he? 

**KN:** You have a good memory. Yes, he was a friend of my brother's. They grew up together, actually. So I guess I've known him a long time. 

**SW:** Ah, if you don't mind me asking…how is your brother doing? 

**KN:** …Thank you. He's…all right. Some days he's better, some days he's…back in whatever place he's been since school. 

**SW:** I'm…sorry to hear that, Kiryuu-san. 

**KN:** Thank you. I think that's another reason I was so sure I'd be able to make it with this place. I had to take care of him. 

**SW:** That's very strong of you. 

**KN:** …To be honest, it wasn't just him. All of us were affected by what happened there. 

**SW:** "All of us"? 

**KN:** Ah…well, I can't speak for you, Shinohara-san. But I know all of us connected to the duels were…affected, and that's why I wanted to reach out to the others. Not just Saionji-san. My brother was just the one hit the worst. 

**SW:** Can you talk more about the "duels"? 

**KN:** … 

**SW:** Ah, it's okay if you don't want to! The truth is, I've been working on a report about…that school. My experiences there, as a girl, and the experiences of others who were also there at that time. 

**KN:** … 

**SW:** Kiryuu-san, I'm very sorry if I've offended you— 

**KN:** No, I understand. I'd just…rather not think about those times. 

**SW:** …of course. Please excuse me. 

**KN:** …I think I was least affected, out of the five of us. But we share something now. 

**SW:** Ah, so that's why you named this place _Seitokai._

**KN:** Well, it would have been a good name regardless. "A place for students to meet." But yes, that's the real reason. It was Miki's idea, actually—Kaoru-san—but we all liked it. 

**SW:** It's a great name. Well, I won't keep you any longer… 

**KN:** Thank you, Shinohara-san. You're always welcome to come any time. 

**SW:** Thank _you,_ Kiryuu-san. And if you change your mind about— 

**KN:** Yes, I'll let you know. 

**SW:** That's all I ask. 

_from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is, of course, a _reason_ Wakaba remembers Saionji from school…but Nanami probably wouldn't know about that, or at least wouldn't remember.
> 
> The setting of a restaurant (specifically a ramen shop) is stolen from the friend who introduced me to Utena, who had a scene in their own fanfiction where Nanami et al are running a ramen shop. Their story doesn't match up with my world at all, but I really liked the idea anyway, so here we are.


	4. Chapter 4

Izakaya Takahashi wasn't the _best_ place around, but it was conveniently located, _clean,_ and reasonably priced. And besides, they'd been coming here for years, now. 

Shinohara leaned on her hand, her elbow on the table. "I just feel like I've hit a wall, is all. The project's not going anywhere." 

Kazami, impeccably dressed as always, reached out to grab another piece of karaage. "When you originally told me about it you said it was going to be autobiographical." He neatly popped the chicken in his mouth and set his chopsticks down again. 

"I know, it's just…" She stared ruefully down at her glass. "When all is said and done there just isn't that much there. Who'd want to read about a young girl in love with fairy tales who wasn't quite depressed?" 

"I would," Kazami offered. Shinohara looked up to see him smiling. 

"Well, thanks," she said, making the effort to smile back. "But I know _you_ would say that." She looked back down. "I'll put it this way: there's nothing that makes _my_ story stand out from anyone else's." Morosely she tossed back the remaining contents of the glass in one gulp, then clunked it back down on the table. 

"Wakaba, you should probably slow down…" Kazami said anxiously. 

Shinohara smirked at him. "Which of us has always been the more lightweight?" she tossed back, raising her hand for a refill. 

The room spun for a moment, and Shinohara blinked. Okay, maybe Kazami was right. She picked up her chopsticks and went for some hiyayakko. 

Kazami was still watching her, and she sighed. "Look, I know I've got something here. Ohtori had all that intrigue around it, you know? Even if those of us who went there didn't notice it at the time." 

"I guess so," said Kazami, sounding unconvinced. 

She pointed her chopsticks at him. "Sure, it was just a boarding school. Except the vice-chairman lived in that giant tower on campus, and there were all sorts of rich families and child prodigies there, and there was that bizarre forest on the campus grounds that no one ever actually went into. And then a prestigious school like that just _closes,_ a few years after we graduate? I've tried looking into it but there doesn't seem to be anything in the public record." 

"And what about the non-public record?" Kazami asked, as if it were the obvious response. Shinohara stared and he reddened. "I-I mean—" 

"Tatsuya…" Shinohara said slowly. Kazami cut himself off. "That might be it." 

"What?" the other said, nonplussed. 

"If I can figure out what was going on at Ohtori Academy…" The idea was unfolding in her mind now. "If it's not just a record of us students but of _what happened,_ then people will want to read it." 

A bashful smirk crept onto Kazami's face. "You're an _investigative journalist_ and that wasn't your first thought?" 

"Oh, _Tatsuya!"_ Shinohara said, but she was grinning now. "See, this is why I still talk to you. It's gonna be sad when some girl snatches you up." She grabbed another piece of hiyayakko. "Which reminds me, have you been seeing anyone lately?" 

Kazami blushed again. "N-no, no luck there. You know it's just…" He looked away uncomfortably. 

Shinohara rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Tatsuya, you have _got_ to get over it. We were _fourteen."_

"It's not that!" Kazami answered, a hint of indignation in his voice. "I swear it's not." He paused to collect himself. "It's more like…that I haven't found anyone as interesting as you. _Maybe_ if we hadn't stayed in touch…" 

"Yeah, maybe," Shinohara echoed. "But at least you've grown up. After all, you were kind of an asshole back then." 

Kazami raised his hand to object, then stopped. "Yeah," he said, a slow smile growing on his face. "I was." 

Shinohara laughed, and they clinked their glasses together and drank. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

Ohtori Academy was exactly what you'd expect for a ritzy private boarding school. We had our badminton courts, our swimming pool, our rooftop cafeteria…our stables and our fancy flower gardens. We lived in dorms and had dinners in big dining halls, cooked by school staff. Everything we needed was provided…though we did have to pay for it. That said, the school seemed to have a generous endowment, since I know myself and several others were there on scholarships of one form or another. 

This is not to say that Ohtori was a lax or carefree environment! The teachers were as strict as you'd expect to find in such a school, though if you followed the letter of the rules you could get away with quite a bit. And then there were those who were just careful not to get caught. But if you followed the rules—or had special dispensation—the teachers mostly left you alone. 

Independence. That's what set the children of Ohtori apart from other kids, or so it seems when comparing childhoods. When the school day was over, we would leave the hill on which the academy was built and go down into the surrounding town. We would make our own lunches and occasionally cook our own dinners, and generally had the freedom to use our time as we wished. Perhaps this is true at all boarding schools to some extent, but I felt like most people don't have that experience until high school or even college. For us, even the elementary school students had a fair amount of freedom to do as they pleased. 

These freedoms were exercised in their fullest form by the privileged members of the student council. Members of the student council were treated with respect even by the teachers, and were often involved in duties that kept them out of normal classes. They also had fancier dorms and often shared that privilege with their siblings—though in a boarding school away from home, perhaps it _was_ reasonable to keep families together. 

Occasionally, the council would host events for selected members of the student body, galas of grandeur and high class. We normal students used to dream of receiving an invitation to such an event, and if one of our number actually did, then we would crowd around them with congratulations and jealousy and a flurry of preparation, helping them get ready for their chance to visit what felt like a castle in the sky. 

The student council was most likely not selected by true democratic process; in fact, none of the people interviewed in the making of this book could recall the process at all, including multiple former student council members. Despite this, no one would ever claim that the positions were unfairly acquired; all of the members were highly distinguished in one or more extracurricular activities, and some were academically gifted as well. There was also likely a bit of favoritism involved on the part of the administration, since a good number of the members come from wealthy families. 

Certainly no one—adult or child—is ever universally liked, and indeed there were always students that held feelings of enmity or antipathy towards members of the student council. But there was also a clear sense that the student council was above the rest of us, untouchable. Crossing the teachers might land you in detention, but interfering with student council affairs could make you an outcast in the pecking order of middle school and high school, and violating the school code as it pertained to the student council could get you expelled. 

Curiously, every student council member was involved in some kind of martial arts extracurricular, usually fencing or kendo. This would be nothing but an interesting triviality if it weren't for the rumors of a student council ritual known as "dueling". The nature of this ritual remained a closely guarded secret all throughout my time at Ohtori, with the only clue being repeated sightings of student council members outside the forbidden forest at the west end of campus. These stories were repeated over the years too often to be coincidence, such that by the time I came to the Academy it was considered unsurprising to spot a student council member outside the forest at odd times. Even today, however, former student council members do not like to talk about "dueling", which suggests that it was something shameful, perhaps along the lines of "hazing" rituals found in American universities. 

In addition to their crisp white uniforms, the student council members each wore a ring impressed with the seal of the academy, the "rose crest". It was rare, but not unheard of, for a student council member to grant such a ring to another student as well, and this, more than anything else, seemed to foretell who the future leaders of the student body would be. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Moshi moshi?" 

"Hello, Fujino-san. This is Shinohara Wakaba. I'm not sure if you remem—" 

"Wakaba? From Ohtori Academy? Eeh, how are you? How have you been since—wow, middle school? What are you doing these days…" 

Shinohara blinked, then broke into a smile, holding the phone a little further away from her ear. To be honest, she barely remembered this girl—well, a woman now—who had been at Ohtori for less than a week before transferring back out. But at this point, she might know something that the rest of them hadn't. 

People told Shinohara _she_ was outgoing, but apparently this woman hadn't changed since middle school. 

"—I'm an accountant now, would you believe it? Say, if you're ever in the _______ Town area we should meet up for coffee." 

"Thank you!" Shinohara interrupted, laughing. "You know, this is probably the warmest welcome I've gotten since the start of the project." 

"Project?" came the quick reply. 

Shinohara cleared her throat. "I've been trying to put together a kind of investigative report on Ohtori Academy. Well, half report and half memoir, to be honest." She dipped her head despite the gesture being wasted over the phone. "I've been collecting interviews from the students and teachers who were there at the same time as us." 

There was a pause at the other end of the line. "Well, I don't know how much I can help with that. I was only there for four days, after all." 

"That's all right" Shinohara replied, trying to sound encouraging. "If anything, it means you have an outsider's perspective. Most of us were there all the way through high school, after all." 

"Well, okay," the other woman said, still sounding a little doubtful. "To be honest, it all feels like a dream. Not that anybody remembers much from middle school, I bet." 

Shinohara felt her eyes cloud over at that; with effort she brought her mind back to the task at hand. "By the way, is it all right if I record our conversation? Just so I can refer back to it later." 

"Oh, uh—" Shinohara could tell she had caught the other woman off-guard. "Yes, I suppose that's all right." 

"Thank you very much," Shinohara said formally. 

"It all feels like a dream," Fujino said again, her tone one of obvious reminiscence. "It was my first time away from home. Changing schools is hard for everyone, of course, but you were all so _nice_ to me! And—well maybe this is just how it felt at the time, but everyone was so _beautiful…"_

Her voice trailed off. Shinohara coughed politely. 

"Anyway," the woman went on hurriedly, "I'm not sure what you'd like to know. The classes were pretty much the same as my other school, although I think you were like a year ahead. Honestly, what I remember most is the Student Council." 

Shinohara felt a pang of jealousy, than laughed silently at herself, surprised to find that a part of her still cared. 

"Do you remember anything… _strange,_ from your time at Ohtori?" she asked, once she had composed herself. 

There was another pause. "I was going to say that _everything_ was strange and new for me, but…that's not what you meant, is it." A sigh. "I always thought I must be misremembering. That it must have been wishful thinking, or my mind blocking out something awful." Fujino stumbled a bit over the last word. "Yes, I must have been misremembering." 

Shinohara felt her heart beating fast. Was this, finally, a lead? 

_"What_ must you be misremembering?" she asked carefully. 

The other woman gave a nervous laugh, her earlier cheer fallen away. "W-well," she said, "there was this fencing hall. Not the regular one, a big white one on the edge of the campus, near the dorms. I remember my parents told me about it before I started." There was a catch in her voice when she mentioned her parents, but Shinohara couldn't figure out what it meant. "Except…half the time it was a burned-out ruin. Whenever I wanted to show someone, it was a burned-out ruin." She laughed again, a helpless sort of sound. "That's impossible, right? I must just be getting mixed up with what my parents were telling me." 

"It does sound—far-fetched," Shinohara replied, trying to hide her disappointment. This didn't sound like it was connected to the Student Council, or any of the rumors surrounding the Vice Chairman. Still, she supposed, anything that was part of the school's history was at least useful background information. 

The woman sighed again. "Sorry if that's not very helpful. I suppose I didn't stay long enough to hear anything real, anything worth telling you about." 

"That's quite all right," Shinohara said hastily. "By the way, there was one other thing I wanted to ask. There was another student who came in around the same time as you, who also disappeared at the end of the week—" 

"Sanjouin Chigusa," the other woman replied sharply. 

Shinohara almost dropped the phone in surprise at the change in tone. "That's right," she said carefully. "I had forgotten her name. Do you know where I can—" 

"She's dead," Fujino interrupted again, as curtly as before. This time Shinohara thought she caught a note of bitterness. 

"I'm…very sorry to hear that," she said, feeling at a loss. It appeared that there _had_ been some relationship between the two women, but she had no idea what it entailed, and there was no polite way to ask anything further. "Well, I don't want to take up too much of your time—" 

"Oh, I'm sorry, Wakaba!" the other woman interjected, her earlier casual cheer remembered. Shinohara winced; some of her frustration must have crept into her voice. "It really is good to hear from you, it's thanks to you and _shshsh_ that those days were so special, that I was able to fit in at all. I still owe you for that, even if I ended up leaving only five days later." 

Shinohara blinked. "Sorry, who was that you mentioned? I didn't quite catch the name." 

Fujino laughed. "U _shsh_ , of course! She was the first person I met, and—oh, Touya, no, get that out of your mouth." 

Shinohara smiled. "Your son?" 

"Yes. I'm sorry, Wakaba, I have to go—but if you are in the area, really, please do stop by! It would be wonderful to see you again." 

"Thank you very much," Shinohara said almost automatically. 

There was a click, and she slowly lowered the phone, disturbed. Who was this other person her old classmate had been talking about? She couldn't make out the name, but the other woman had said it as if Shinohara ought to know them—her. Was it someone else who had only been there a short time? 

She gave herself a shake. One more student she couldn't remember wasn't that important—it had been a big school, after all. What she needed now was a _lead,_ something to make _Memoirs of a Student_ more than just another coming-of-age story. 

What had been going on behind the scenes at Ohtori Academy? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you that the Sega Saturn game was canon in this fic.
> 
> The player character in _Itsuka Kakumei Sareru Monogatari_ has no default name, but this chapter wouldn't have worked without one, so I borrowed the surname of the voice actor, Fujino Kaoru. Oh, and minor credit to Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive for the " _shshsh_ " thing.
> 
> I do actually recommend checking out the game if you're interested in more _Utena;_ I found it surprisingly satisfying. I don't think this piece actually spoiled anything, even the part that sounded like it did.
> 
> Fun fact: this was the fourth section written for _Memoirs,_ but after writing what's now Chapter 4 it felt like Wakaba had already had her conversation with Kazami Tatsuya when she calls "Fujino".


	7. Chapter 7

Shinohara sipped at her tea and went through the files again. While she waited for today's appointment, she was reviewing the information she had on the daughter of the Chairman. Ohtori Kanae had been a healthy young woman up until the day she died. No one had been able to explain it. Both her father and her fiancé, the Vice Chairman, had been appropriately grief-stricken, but… 

"Excuse me, are you Shinohara-san?" 

Shinohara looked up. A tall blond-haired man stood in front of her table, a briefcase in his hand. He frowned politely. 

"You must be Tsuwabuki-san," she said warmly. "Please." She gestured at the chair in front of her. 

"Thank you," he said, inclining his head slightly. He set his briefcase down in the chair. "I'll be right back." 

_Oh, right, he has to buy something._ Shinohara sighed to herself and began packing all her loose notes back into their folder. 

Tsuwabuki soon returned holding a petite espresso cup, and Shinohara flipped to a fresh page in her notebook. The two of them stared at each other, hesitating to be the first to speak. 

Shinohara broke the short silence. "Thank you for coming out to meet me, Tsuwabuki-san." She lifted her teacup again. 

"Oh, it's no problem," the young man said, waving a hand. "I must admit I'm curious about this project of yours. I've always thought there were some interesting stories to tell about the place." 

Surprised, Shinohara set the teacup down a little more forcefully than she intended. "Yes, exactly," she agreed. "Let's see. You're, what, four years younger than me?" 

Tsuwabuki drank his espresso in one swallow. "I graduated high school in 2006, so that would mean you were…" 

"2002, yes." Shinohara tapped her pen against her cheek. "Which means you were there when the Academy closed, right?" 

"That's right." Tsuwabuki looked into the distance for a moment. "That was certainly an adjustment, going from Ohtori to my local public high school for those last two years. I wasn't the only one, at least, but there was definitely some culture shock." 

"I'll bet," said Shinohara, smiling. "By the way, I forgot to ask, but you don't mind if I take notes, do you?" 

"No, by all means," replied Tsuwabuki, waving his hand in the same way as before. 

"Thank you." Shinohara dropped the hand with the pen back down to her notebook. "What can you tell me about the closure of the Academy?" 

Tsuwabuki frowned. "Well, it wasn't exactly something they could keep quiet. I mean, sure, they tried to downplay it, but at the same time arrangements had to be made for anyone _not_ graduating that year." He winced. "And I remember us helping with the arrangements for the orphans, those that had no remaining family or personal guardians. It must have been much worse for them." 

Shinohara winced as well in sympathy. "That's right," she recalled. "You were on the Student Council as well." 

"With Kaoru-san, yes." Tsuwabuki nodded. "He had been the youngest ever up till then, but after Kiryuu-san's brother had his relapse and then Saionji-san graduated…" He shrugged. "I was glad to do it, and I learned a lot from Kaoru-san that way. Even if it did force me to take on some adult responsibilities rather early." 

Shinohara gave him a searching look. "Weren't you and Kiryuu-san…" 

For the first time Tsuwabuki looked uncertain, and his face reddened. "That was a child's crush," he replied, not meeting her eyes. "One winter vacation I went home and I came back and it was gone." 

"My apologies," said Shinohara, though she wasn't sure if she was apologizing for bringing it up or for the end of their "relationship". "Let's go back to the closing of the Academy, then." 

Tsuwabuki let out a sad smile. "I'm afraid there's not much more to tell. The Acting Chairman had vanished at the end of the previous year, as I'm sure you already know. The staff debated for a while, but even we on the Student Council knew that there was no one left holding the place together. And so those of us who did not graduate were returned to our places in the ordinary world." 

Shinohara finished her line of notes. "That's still very helpful, Tsuwabuki-san." She looked up, then hesitated. "I apologize, but I'd like to ask one more question. From what other people have told me, however, it might be quite sensitive. Please don't feel like you have to answer." 

Tsuwabuki looked apprehensive for a moment, but then smiled and set his hands in his lap. "What is it, Shinohara-san?" 

Shinohara set down her pen. "You were a member of the Student Council. Is it possible for you to share anything about the 'duels'?" She caught herself thinking the word _divulge_ but kept up a polite, serious smile. 

A downcast expression crossed the man's face. "Ah," he said, sounding a bit reluctant. "The Dueling Game." Shinohara sat up straighter; she could hear the formality in the name. "I remember it as a sort of combat ritual members of the student council had to undergo, at regular intervals. The prize was a rose from the gardens, to match the school seal." He shrugged, but to Shinohara it looked like there was a weight on his shoulders. "I was only asked to participate once or twice. But for Kaoru-san and the others…it must have meant a lot more to them." He looked her in the eyes again. "But it's not my place to talk about that." 

"Of course not," Shinohara agreed hastily. _Finally, a breakthrough!_ "Asked by whom?" 

Tsuwabuki's brow creased. "I'm sorry, I don't remember. There was some sort of complicated ranking system with formal challenge letters and all that." He shook his head. "In any case, the 'duels' happened less and less often, until finally they stopped completely in my last year. The last year at Ohtori, that is," he amended. 

"Thank you, Tsuwabuki-san," Shinohara said again. "This has been incredibly helpful." 

"My pleasure," the younger man replied. 

"Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?" Shinohara asked. "Any facts or stories I should include, or any…unusual occurrences?" 

Tsuwabuki hesitated, then seemed to realize he'd given himself away. "I do remember one odd episode," he said slowly. "It was back in fourth grade. For some reason or another I got incredibly angry at both Kiryuu-san and this other friend—Hozumi Mari-san, she's a year older than me. I don't even remember what about, exactly. But right in the middle of that I must have fallen ill, or something, because all I remember is waking up in the hospital and then apologizing to Mari-san." He frowned. "I guess that doesn't sound so weird, but perhaps someone took notice of me then, and that's how I ended up on the Student Council a few years later. That's how it felt like things worked at Ohtori, sometimes." 

Shinohara nodded. It should have been a pointless anecdote, but something about Tsuwabuki's story felt significant, maybe even familiar… 

"Well," she said, folding her notebook closed. "Thank you again for coming out to meet with me." She picked up her teacup and drained the last bit of tea, then stood to see him off. 

"You're welcome," replied Tsuwabuki, taking his briefcase in his hand. "You'll let me know if the project goes anywhere, right?" 

"Of course," answered Shinohara, feeling flattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Establishing years of graduation was a pain. The show, which was released in April 1997, was supposed to take place in the present day, but it doesn't say that the time of year matches the show. Utena and Wakaba are in eighth grade (the second year of Japanese middle school). And Utena is 14, and she was born in December, 1983. …Hm.
> 
> The trick to resolving this apparent contradiction (for this American, anyway) is to remember that in Japan ages can be reported based on the year only—that is, even though Utena's birthday is in December, she can call herself 14 starting in January, 1983. I don't know how much this custom is followed today (or in the 90s), but it does make things line up nicely. The second trick is to remember that birthdays have nothing to do with graduation years anyway.
> 
> So, the timeline I'm going with is that the show takes place over the first half of the school year, roughly lining up with air dates. (The Japanese school year starts in April.) If it turns out I'm off by a year, I apologize!


	8. Chapter 8

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

Ohtori Academy's closure in 2004 marked the end of an institution more than a century old. Scant historical records establish the Academy's presence in the Meiji Period, but whether it was founded earlier is unknown, and likely to remain so. Its position as one of Japan's few boarding schools gave it a minor infamy for most of its existence, a controversial educational establishment that answered its critics only with its high-performing student population, both in regional and national competitions and in applications to universities. The Academy's admissions criteria were a carefully guarded secret to maintain its exclusivity; at the same time, students were sometimes explicitly invited to join the Academy on scholarship, myself included. 

Despite being unusual among educational institutions, Ohtori was organizationally much like any other private establishment, with its teachers and other staff answerable to a Board of Directors. The most recent Chairman of the Board was himself a man named Ohtori, a wealthy investor whose influence was spoken of in corporations throughout Kantō. Despite this apparent reach, Ohtori Hibiki kept a fairly private life, to the point that there are no photos of him available in public record. (It seems likely that any news outlets that acquired such photos were put under pressure to destroy them.) 

Mr. Ohtori's luck began to run out around ten years before the closure of the Academy. The first blow came with a sudden illness that left him bedridden, placing his myriad business proceedings in a difficult position. The solution was a young man named Akio, the Vice Chairman and soon Acting Chairman of Ohtori Academy. Ohtori must have placed great trust in this Akio, for he also betrothed his only daughter to him, and even signed Akio onto the Ohtori family registry years ahead of the actual marriage. 

(The Vice Chairman's name is likely familiar to anyone with even a passing interest in the closure of the Academy, being the subject of several unsavory rumors. Ohtori Akio will be discussed at greater length later in this report.) 

While the Chairman had found a worthy delegate and possible successor, his family soon suffered their next stroke of bad luck: after only a few years engaged, Ohtori's daughter fell ill as well. Unlike her father, however, Ohtori Kanae spent only a few days in the hospital before she passed—a ghastly Christmas present in her final year of high school for all her relatives. Soon after, the senior Ohtori was discharged, and he and his wife moved to the Tama Hills area, leaving Ohtori Akio as Acting Chairman of the Academy for its remaining years. 

It would be a reasonable assumption that the Academy was named for the Ohtori family, but this does not seem to be the case. In reality, Ohtori Hibiki himself was the founder and head of the modern-day family, changing his name shortly before his rise to prosperity and his position on the Academy Board of Directors. The institution, by contrast, has been named "Ohtori" as far back as records of it exist; it may have even predate of the surrounding Houou City. The obvious link there suggests an etymological tie that unfortunately cannot be confirmed. 

Where the story gets strange is in the historical records for the Academy, which list no fewer than _five_ other individuals with the name Ohtori on the Board of Directors over the last seventy years. Unlike the recent Ohtori Hibiki, none of these past executives left any heirs to carry on the family name, though some of them may have been related; other than one husband-and-wife duo serving on the Board together, relations beyond the immediate family were unclear from the available public records. It is possible that one of these past Directors has ties to the original family that founded the Academy, but it is also possible that the link between cause and effect goes the other way, and that it is the association with the Academy and with Houou City that encourages the adoption of the name "Ohtori". Perhaps, like the Western phoenix it is sometimes associated with, the name "Ohtori" is bound to be reborn. 

Ohtori Hibiki has since passed away; his widow could not be reached for comment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying not to lean _too_ heavily on my basic knowledge of Japanese, but in a discussion of names the Ohtori/Houou connection is important enough not to pass up: the character for Ohtori, 鳳, is the first half of Houou, 鳳凰. Both are translated as "phoenix", but there's a bit more going on than just that; look up "Fenghuang" on Wikipedia for some more of the mythology. While I don't remember "Houou City" in the anime, I believe it's in both the manga and the Sega Saturn game.
> 
> Like "Yurika" and "Fujino", Chairman Ohtori's name is never given in the series. There's a reason I chose "Hibiki", but it's more of an easter egg than a deliberate decision. The meaning "echo" does seem appropriate.
> 
> Most of the information in this section is invented, not drawn from canon. However, though Wakaba does not have the knowledge to make the connection, Kanae's death described here is meant to occur just after the ending of the show, the final episode of which aired on December 24, 1997.


	9. Chapter 9

**Kaoru Miki:** Good to see you again, Shinohara-san! 

**Shinohara Wakaba:** You too, Kaoru-san. How have things been since the last time I was here? 

**KM:** Oh, same old, same old. Although one of my students made me the cutest thank-you card for two years of lessons. 

**SW:** Right, you don't just work here; you teach piano too! 

**KM:** That's right. It was Nanami's idea too—Kiryuu-san. Once the restaurant was stable, she kept telling me I'd never be happy without doing _something_ connected to music. She even got my sister in on it. 

**SW:** Kozue-san, right? 

**KM:** Yeah. 

**SW:** You two are twins, right? How is she doing? 

**KM:** _(laughs)_ No idea! She left Japan two years ago. 

**SW:** Really? 

**KM:** Yep! Last we heard from her she had some tiny apartment in Paris. But she makes sure to write home for all the holidays, and I know _she_ knows she can call if there's ever any trouble. 

**SW:** Wow, I…that's quite a life. 

**KM:** It certainly sounds like it! Not for me, though. I'm happy where I am. …But I don't think you came here to talk about my sister. 

**SW:** No, I suppose not. Although she _did_ go to Ohtori too, right? So she'd always be welcome to contribute to the project. 

**KM:** Oh, it's a "project" now, huh? 

**SW:** Hey, don't make fun of me, Kaoru-san! 

**KM:** Sorry, sorry. How's it coming along, anyway? 

**SW:** Not bad, but there are still some pretty big holes in the story. But I just recently met with Tsuwabuki-san, and— 

**KM:** Tsuwabuki-san! How is he? 

**SW:** He seemed to be doing well! And it sounded like he'd be happy to see you and Kiryuu-san again, and perhaps Arisugawa-san as well. It was pretty clear he looked up to all of you quite a bit in school. 

**KM:** I should send him a message. 

**SW:** You should. Anyway, based on that I wanted to ask more about the student council meetings, especially the years before Tsuwabuki-san joined. 

**KM:** …All right. 

**SW:** Like I said ahead of time, we can stop at any time. You don't have to answer anything you're not comfortable with. 

**KM:** Right. Thank you, Shinohara-san. 

**SW:** You're welcome. So… 

**KM:** Yes. Well, you already know I joined in seventh grade. I assume it was Arisugawa-senpai who recommended me, since she knew me from the fencing club. With Tsuchiya Ruka-san having left the year before there was an opening, and so I came on as secretary. Back then Kiryuu-san's brother was president, Saionji-san was vice president, and Arisugawa-san was the treasurer. Oh, sorry, you must know this already. 

**SW:** No worries. It's all getting recorded anyway. 

**KM:** Right. Anyway, our meetings were held in the central tower, on a balcony overlooking the PE field. Since the council was only a handful of students, there wasn't a regular schedule or anything; when something came up it was easy enough for the president to summon everyone together. There was this formal chant we had to start each meeting, which I'm afraid I've forgotten. 

**SW:** I've always wondered, wasn't it windy up there? 

**KM:** _(laughs)_ It was, but it wasn't that bad! But I do remember getting so much rain at one point that the balcony actually _flooded._ There was this massive puddle that wouldn't drain. We all just kind of stared at each other and then finally Arisugawa-senpai said something like, "Well _I'm_ not going to stand out in that. The rest of you can do as you wish." 

**SW:** _(laughs)_

**KM:** Anyway, that was most of it. It really wasn't so exciting—we were just involved with the school administration and with putting on social events for the students. 

**SW:** I think you're underestimating how big an impact that had on the rest of us! 

**KM:** …Maybe I am. It's always different in the other person's shoes, isn't it? …Anyway, that's what seemed to be different about Ohtori, compared to other schools. The student council is always pretty important, but they're not usually involved in the actual running of the school like we were. 

**SW:** That sounds like what I've heard as well. I mean, the student council was an actual part of the academy charter, and there's that whole section of the school code about it. 

**KM:** You've either done your research, or you have a way better memory than I do! 

**SW:** Oh, no, it's nothing really. I still had some of my student handbooks in a box, and was looking up things like this. Did you know there were rules about uniforms, and special rules for student council uniforms, but no rule that said a girl had to actually wear a girl's uniform and not a boy's? Or vice versa. 

**KM:** Really? What an…odd bit of trivia. 

**SW:** Well, I guess for most of your time at school you were in the student council uniform anyway, and that was the same for both boys and girls. 

**KM:** Except for Kiryuu-san, who just had to be different. _(laughs)_ Don't tell her I said that! 

**Kiryuu Nanami:** Too late! Hey, Shinohara-san. 

**SW:** Good to see you, Kiryuu-san. 

**KN:** Mickey, I hate to cut your meeting short, but we have those two big groups coming in tonight. 

**KM:** Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes. 

**KN:** Shinohara-san, I'm sorry I can't stay and talk with you tonight… 

**SW:** No, I understand, it's no problem. Hope you're doing well. 

**KN:** Thanks, you too. Keep coming back, you hear? You're getting to be one of our best customers. 

**SW:** Ooh, you think I can get a frequent diner discount, Kaoru-san? 

**KM:** I, uh, I'm not sure if we do those. I can ask Kiryuu-san later… 

**SW:** Oh, don't worry, it was just a joke. 

**KM:** O-oh. Right. 

**SW:** Anyway, I _do_ have more things I'd like to ask you, but I don't want to keep you here much longer. 

**KM:** Maybe one last question? 

**SW:** Thank you, Kaoru-san. Well, in that case…this is going to sound weird, but did anything strange happen during the student council meetings? 

**KM:** "Strange"? 

**SW:** I don't want to bias your answer by explaining, but, well… 

**KM:** "Strange"… Huh. I mean, there were all sorts of _distractions_ up on that balcony, but…huh. 

**SW:** What is it, Kaoru-san? 

**KM:** No, it's nothing. The wind and the air played tricks on us sometimes, but in the end it was just the five of us sitting at a table. 

**SW:** The _five_ of you? 

**KM:** Yes, the fi— 

**SW:** … 

**KM:** The four of us, of course. I don't know why I said five. 

**SW:** …Right. 

**KM:** Shinohara-san? 

**SW:** …Sorry, I must be getting tired. I'll let you go now. 

**KM:** Thank you. Maybe you should take it easy tonight, huh? 

**SW:** Thank you, Kaoru-san. Yes, perhaps I'll head home. 


	10. Chapter 10

_Wakaba dreams._

_Wakaba dreams and in her dream she's back at Ohtori, only she didn't remember it being so vast and so confusing and so red. The staircases wind up and down and out to the middle of nowhere, and though there are students all around she doesn't know where to go. She turns around and there's a vast desert behind her._

_Wakaba dreams and in her dream she and the other students are filing into class, and in a neat and orderly manner get into their wooden boxes and lie down. The teacher comes along taking notes, and for some students he closes the lid._

_Wakaba dreams and in her dream she's back in the Chairman's tower. He offers her a slice of cake he's made himself, and she can't help blushing even as her adult self is recoiling in disgust. It had never quite occurred to her back then…_

_Wakaba dreams and in her dream there's a deep, deep pit, into which she peers and then almost gags as the smells of ash and mothballs hit her face, so strong that for a moment she wonders whether she's going to wake up._

_Wakaba dreams and in her dream she sees her friend walking ahead of her, the pink-haired girl, and she opens her mouth to call out "—!" but then she remembers that she's forgotten her name, and somehow that seems so sad that she feels tears pooling in her eyes, and then one falls and she can hear it land with a strange echo that somehow sounds familiar._

_Wakaba dreams and in her dream her editor approaches her shouting "Extra! Extra!" except it's not her editor, in fact she can't see who it is, just a silhouette, and the "Gogai! Gogai!" turns into the_ gogon, gogon _of the bells of Ohtori Academy, ringing, ringing,_ gogon gogon gogon _…_

Wakaba dreams and when she wakes up the next morning there's a package for her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Japanese has a lot of onomatopoeia but I'm not sure "gogon" is one of them. Still, that last line was the seed for this whole section.


	11. Chapter 11

"A package?" Shinohara echoed, confused. _Did I order something and forget?_

"Yes," said Okazaki. "Seemed to be a personal delivery, too. She wasn't from one of the big companies, anyway. Said her name was Eiko. You know her, perhaps?" 

Shinohara shook her head without really thinking about it. No one she knew would leave her a mysterious package and not even give a surname. Sure, the newspaper got anonymous tips like that, but that was work. No one would send something like that to her _home_ address…unless… 

The receptionist heaved the box up onto the front desk with a grunt. "Bulky old thing," she grumbled, catching Shinohara's eye. "Whoever sent this, tell them to pack it normally next time." 

Shinohara grinned. Okazaki's good-natured complaints were how the older woman made herself memorable and bonded with the residents of the apartment building. 

The grin fell away, though, when Shinohara saw the top of the box. Scrawled on the cardboard was a messy drawing of a signet ring with a rose design—the seal of Ohtori Academy. 

The hair prickled on the back of Shinohara's neck. She hadn't made it a _secret_ that she was collecting information about her old school, but there was still a big difference between that and mysterious packages. 

"Shinohara-san?" said Okazaki, concerned. "Is everything okay?" 

Shinohara forced a smile back onto her face. "Yes, sorry," she replied, reaching out to take the package. It _was_ awkward, with the weight inside shifting alarmingly as she tilted it under her arm. "I just wasn't expecting to see that…design. It's from school." 

Okazaki looked bewildered at this point, but she just shook her head. "All right, if you say so." 

Shinohara stepped away from the counter. "I'll just put this back in my room and then I'm off to work," she said, mostly to herself. "Thanks, Okazaki-san." 

"You're welcome; _itte rasshai,"_ Okazaki replied with a raised eyebrow before turning back to her computer. 

Shinohara took the elevator back up to her cramped sixth floor apartment, and set the package down on the table. There didn't seem to be anything too strange about it—just an ordinary brown box, like those used by shipping companies. In fact, there was even a large splotch that had probably been a company logo before being blacked out by the same thick marker used to draw the school seal. 

Her curiosity got the better of her. Shinohara took out her keys and sliced open the packing tape with a quick jab, then pulled the box open. It was immediately clear what made the box so uneven: a stack of large hardback books had shifted in the too-large package, squashing some of the other contents. On top of the books was a stapled sheaf of papers, labeled "The Tale of the Rose". 

Frowning, Shinohara set the packet aside to get a look at the books. _"Ohtori Academy, 1996-1997". A yearbook?_ She did some quick calculations. _So I would have been in…middle school, first year._

She lifted the book out of the box, instinctively meaning to flip through to find her own class photo. Her eye was caught, however, by what was underneath the fallen book—a single pink rose, preserved with formaldehyde but with one side crushed and battered from the repeated impact of the yearbook inside the box. Tucked in behind the rose were a few strips of film negatives, the kind you'd use in a handheld camera in the 90s. 

Shinohara couldn't help but give a sad smile at the damage done to what must have once been a picture-perfect floral specimen. She turned her attention back to the yearbook, cracking it open and flipping through to the end-of-year class photos. But the page she stopped on was one of the second-year middle school classes, not the first. Shinohara frowned again as she noticed the corner of the page had been folded back, marking the spot for some reason. 

Suspicious now, she pulled out the other two books in the stack, opening each one in turn. These two also had a marked page, and again it was second-year middle school photos. 

_Hang on, is that Kiryuu-san's brother?_ Indeed, the superior smile of 15-year-old Kiryuu Touga beamed up at her from the page. _He looks so full of life,_ Shinohara thought sadly. _His poor sister._

The third book was even older, from 1990. Shinohara had no reason to recognize anybody from this year. So why— 

"Wait…" she said aloud. There was something about the three pictures, something in common. It took her a moment to place it, but there it was: a girl with darker skin, probably not Japanese. She was standing in a different place in each photo, and had different hairstyles, but somehow Shinohara was convinced she was looking at one person, not three. _But that's…_ She scanned the list of names below the most recent photo, counted heads…and realized that there was one fewer name than there were faces on that row. 

Shinohara sat back, troubled. None of this made any sense, but she felt a strong urge to find _her_ second-year yearbook photo and— 

Her phone buzzed, and Shinohara jumped and almost fell over. For a moment she had been drawn back into her school days again, a world without digital cameras or professional responsibilities or ubiquitous cell phones. She dug through her purse and pulled the phone out, then let herself relax when she saw it was just a routine text from a coworker. _But I really do have to get to work today!_ she admonished herself. 

She carefully grabbed the film negatives from the box and tucked them into a padded pocket in her purse. Then with a last scowl at the open yearbooks, she stood up and headed for the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While "Eiko" is _definitely_ a joke I expect Utena fans to be able to get, there's a second one in there that's probably too subtle: Okazaki's "You know her, perhaps?" is intended to be translated as "Gozonji, kashira?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

No figure was more influential in the Academy's final years than Ohtori Akio. While officially he was the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors, his connections and his charisma made him a major player in all of the Academy's affairs. However, that charming public-facing exterior hid a much darker story. 

In interviewing the educators who worked at the Academy, surface impressions of the Vice Chairman were universally positive. "He was very hands-on about education," said one teacher, who wishes to remain anonymous. "He would meet with the staff regularly to discuss the curriculum and student activities. And he made sure to take an interest in student welfare as well." Another teacher, also anonymous, shared this recollection: "The Vice Chairman served as the teachers' advocate on the Board of Directors. If you were able to get a moment of his time, you could be sure your concerns would be taken seriously, whatever they might be. And he didn't have to live on campus, either. That was his own free choice." 

The campus's central tower did have a large penthouse suite, ostensibly for the Chairman of the Academy. However, the senior Ohtori preferred his own larger and more lavish residence, and so the tower could have remained uninhabited. Instead, though, the suite became home for Ohtori Akio, a mark of his dedication to the school. And he did take to it as a home, even installing a custom planetarium projector in the main living area. 

By living on campus, the Vice Chairman was able to maintain his active hand in student affairs. I myself remember him as a tall, handsome man, one who would take the sides of students against the faceless, unsympathetic teachers. Later in life I became less comfortable with an adult, a young man in particular, taking such an interest in the lives of middle schoolers. But still I had no inkling beyond rumors as to his true nature. 

Throughout his career, the Vice Chairman was universally respected. It wasn't until his disappearance in 2003, a year before the closure of the school, that the rumors started to creep out. Most of these have little to no evidence as to their truth or falsehood, but the remaining few paint a contrasting and disturbing picture of the man. Attempts to establish a formal background turned out to be fruitless, with Ohtori Akio seeming to have no official records at all save for his adoption into the Ohtori family. These documents excuse the lack of information on the grounds that he is a foreigner, but there is no record of his entry into the country. His appointment to the Board was no better, a mere typed memo from the Office of the Chairman establishing his position. Beyond that, there was nothing. Even his decision to live on campus meant that there was no notice of sale or lease of property; wherever he had lived before his tenure at the Academy must have been with others, or under a false name. 

Of the remaining rumors, the darkest and most prevalent was that Ohtori Akio was a pedophile who preyed on the children in the school. And there is unfortunately strong evidence that this was the case. 

When the Vice Chairman disappeared, it wasn't until several months later that the police came to search his living quarters. Even then, they didn't find anything incriminating, nor any evidence of foul play. It wasn't until the full grounds were cleared after the closure of the Academy that there was a discovery. In a supposedly unused room at the base of the campus tower, locked with a key previously found in the Vice Chairman's quarters, there was a cache of paintings and canvas-mounted photographs, nearly all of them sexual in nature. Most of these depicted teenagers or even children, assumed to be students at the school. 

It is this discovery that was hushed up, kept under wraps and away from official reports. The recorded justification was to protect the privacy of the students—a fair plan, if potentially flawed. However, it seems just as likely that the Board of Directors were trying to avoid a public spectacle, not to mention possible charges of negligence and child endangerment. The deliberately sparse records of the police investigation state that the "confiscated items" were destroyed, but it's impossible to be sure that this actually occurred, or that the Vice Chairman did not have more of the obscene prints in his possession. 

Nevertheless, the fact remains that the Academy was set to close _before_ the pornographic paintings were discovered. The cynical hypothesis here is that the Board of Directors had discovered Ohtori Akio's perversion in advance and were trying to hush it up. This would be entirely in keeping with the ways of powerful corporations, an environment with which most of the Board would be familiar, and it seems more plausible than the official claim of waning admissions, rising costs, and a changing world that no longer had a need for a Western-style private school. However, despite the depravity, I find myself unable to discard an alternate explanation: that the Vice Chairman had become so involved in the running of the school, its activities and inner workings, that without him the entire edifice simply collapsed. Without Ohtori Akio, there could be no Ohtori Academy. 

Whatever the reason for the Academy's closure, the man was not there to answer for it. No trace of Ohtori Akio has been confirmed since 2003 when he was last seen on campus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologize for saying Akio was "hands-on about education".


	13. Chapter 13

**Shinohara Wakaba:** Arisugawa-san, good evening. 

**Arisugawa Juri:** Ah, Shinohara-san! I wasn't expecting you back so soon. 

**SW:** I wouldn't have been either. Oh, no, is that rude of me to say? Because it's not that the food isn't good here; it's just that I don't eat out alone that often— 

**AJ:** Relax, Shinohara-san. I said it first, didn't I? 

**SW:** Well… Anyway, there's been a development, and I was hoping you could help me. 

**AJ:** Me? 

**SW:** You, or your business partners. See, it's about the '97 school year… 

**AJ:** You really gotta ease up on this, Shinohara-san. It's been, what, eight years since Ohtori closed? It's okay if it takes an extra few weeks. 

**SW:** Weren't you the one who was always giving those "go-get-'em" pep talks back in school? 

**AJ:** Maybe I've learned something since then. Come on, then, have a seat. What would you like this time? 

**SW:** Mm…the soba special sounds good. I'll have that. 

**AJ:** Coming right up. 

* * *

**AJ:** Hot tea. 

**SW:** Thanks. 

**AJ:** So what's this "development"? 

**SW:** Eh? 

**AJ:** You said there's been a "development". What is it? 

**SW:** Oh, right. I'm sorry, I'm just surprised, is all. You seemed the least interested in the project when I first told everyone about it. 

**AJ:** And then you came back several times to work on it anyway. Maybe I'm curious. 

**SW:** I'm sorry, I didn't mean— 

**AJ:** Don't worry about it. What did you find? 

**SW:** Well…it's more like they found me. 

**AJ:** …Are those…photographs? As in _film?_

**SW:** Someone sent me a package with a bunch of stuff from Ohtori. That included the negatives for…these. 

**AJ:** "Someone"? 

**SW:** No return address. Not even a name. 

**AJ:** That's— 

**Kiryuu Nanami:** Kind of disturbing, don't you think? 

**SW:** Ah, good evening, Kiryuu-san! 

**KN:** Good evening, Shinohara-san. 

**AJ:** How is Touga doing? 

**KN:** Saionji-san is watching him. He's helping in the kitchen. 

**SW:** I'm glad to hear he's doing better! 

**KN:** Sort of. Even when he's up and about, he still acts like he's in high school. Not that he's had the chance to do much growing up since then. 

**SW:** Ah…pardon me for saying so, but you don't sound very… 

**AJ:** Sad? Angry? Upset? 

**KN:** Well, it is what it is, you know? I've had years to get used to it. 

**SW:** I'm sorry for bringing it up. 

**KN:** Please, Arisugawa-san brought it up. Actually, I was the one who brought it up, by bringing him down here—what _are_ these? 

**SW:** I'm…not sure yet. But you see why I brought them here. 

**KN:** Look, that's…Tsuwabuki-san? 

**AJ:** Here's Kozue-san…and this one's _Shinohara-san_ …but who's this? 

**SW:** That's Kanae, the chairman's daughter who passed away. I was looking up information about her last week. 

**AJ:** What connection does she have to all this? Was she even a student? 

**SW:** She was. She was a year ahead of you, if I remember correctly. Anyway, there were only two people I didn't remember. These two. 

**KN:** That one's Sonoda Keiko. We were…well, I don't want to say "friends". We hung out. I don't know what she's up to these days. 

**SW:** That's already very helpful. What about this one? 

**AJ:** Takatsuki Shiori. 

**SW:** You knew her, then? 

**AJ:** We had a…falling out. 

**SW:** I'm…sorry to hear it. 

**AJ:** Thank you. You apologize too much. 

**SW:** I'm sorr— 

**AJ:** Gotcha. 

**KN:** You didn't mention this one. 

**SW:** Huh? 

**KN:** This one, this kid whose face is all in shadows. 

**AJ:** You'd think she'd stand out with that bright hair. 

**SW:** I swear I remember her from somewhere, maybe when she was older. But I can't for the life of me remember her name. 

**KN:** Now that you say that, she does look kind of familiar. 

**AJ:** But there were so many students at Ohtori. It's not really a surprise we've forgotten some. She looks younger than Tsuwabuki-san, even. 

**KN:** Yeah, that's true. 

**SW:** More importantly, what ties all of these people together, especially when we were all in different grades? It's not like the four of you, who were on the Student Council together. I'd never met any of these people until last week. Well, I might have talked to Kozue-san once or twice… 

**KN:** More importantly, who the heck _took_ all these pictures of _middle school students?_ And then kept them for _fifteen years?_

_(silence)_

**SW:** Well, that's something to look into, at least. But I think I'll start on the leads you've given me. 

**AJ:** What do you mean by that? 

**SW:** Takatsuki and Sonoda. 


	14. Chapter 14

Shinohara double-checked the address she had recorded in her phone. This was the place—not an apartment, but a small condo out in the suburbs. 

Takatsuki Shiori had turned out to be easy to find: she was a model, with her own website and "Contact" form. Shinohara had figured she would get some kind of agent at first, and was surprised to get a direct response by email from Takatsuki herself. Arisugawa had confirmed that it was the right person, and Shinohara began to plan her short trip to southern Kantō. 

Some kind of mix-up at the rental car office had left her with a large green jeep, which turned out to be fun to drive but a real pain to park. At least Takatsuki's suburban neighborhood had wider streets. 

Before Shinohara could press the buzzer, the door opened. The woman who peered out was wearing an oversized orange T-shirt, her purple hair tied back in a ponytail. She squinted at the woman on her porch. 

Shinohara tried to maintain her composure. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Takatsuki Shiori-san…" she explained, holding onto her bag with both hands. 

The woman in the doorway grinned. "You've found her." She pushed the door open a bit further and turned back inside. Shinohara found herself frozen on the threshold, taken aback by Takatsuki's casual dress and demeanor. _Not at all what I'd expect from a model!_ she thought. 

Takatsuki glanced over her shoulder. "Shinohara-san, right?" she said, a slight drawl in her voice. "Come on in. I saw you from the window." 

Shinohara forced herself to snap out of it and stepped inside, sliding off her shoes in the entryway. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me," she called as she hurried after her host— 

Who turned around suddenly, poking her head back out of the kitchen. "Tea'll be just a minute, have a seat in the front room." 

Feeling distinctly off-balance, Shinohara turned into the living room and sat down, pulling out her notebook and pocket recorder. She looked up as Takatsuki came in with a tea tray and sat down directly across from her. 

"May I record our conversation?" Shinohara asked. "It's easier than taking notes for everything." 

"If it's going to appear with my name attached, you'll have to run it by my agent before publication," Takatsuki responded crisply. "But if it's just for your own personal reference, that's fine." 

The pat, professional response caught Shinohara off guard once again, and it took her an extra moment to reply. "O-of course, Takatsuki-san. It's just for notes at this point." 

Takatsuki grinned at her, clearly enjoying surprising her guest. "Not what you expected, am I." 

Shinohara considered dissembling, then decided Takatsuki would prefer a truthful answer. "You don't match up with what I think when I hear someone's a model," she said, dipping her head a little. 

The other woman leaned forward. "Did you know I do web development too?" 

Giving up, Shinohara shook her head. _So much for expectations._

Takatsuki's smile widened. "Started teaching myself about a year ago. Now I do a little freelance work on the side." She sat back. "Today's one of my off days. I'm not going to get all dressed up for nothing." 

Shinohara nodded. "That makes sense to me. If it feels like work you wouldn't want to do it on your day off." 

Takatsuki let out a giggle. "You _do_ understand!" she cried, and picked up the teapot to pour tea for the two of them. Shinohara dipped her head once again in thanks. 

"And yet," Takatsuki continued, "you're doing _this_ project in your spare time. Despite being a journalist, I mean." 

Glad the topic had been broached, Shinohara launched into her well-worn explanation of the project. Takatsuki nodded in all the right places, but stayed distant until Shinohara pulled out the photograph of her. 

"Now that is creepy," she said, eyebrows raised. 

"It certainly is," Shinohara agreed. "There's one of me as well, wearing the same uniform. I don't remember this at all; do you?" 

"Nope." 

Once again, Shinohara was taken aback. "That's it?" she asked carefully. "You're not interested in trying to find out? Or remember?" 

Takatsuki set her teacup down with a *click* and looked straight at Shinohara. "Listen. High school was crap. All those preppy kids who were trying to pretend they were adults—who thought they _were_ adults—while squabbling over the stupidest pecking order of their tiny world. Self-righteousness and libido. Anyone who says they have fond memories of high school is deluding themselves. Oh, don't look at me like that," she said, dismissing Shinohara's shocked expression. "Everything is better after high school. The people, the freedom, the the time. _Especially_ the people, because most high schoolers need to grow the hell up. I'm including myself in that, by the way. God, I was such garbage back then. Playing mind games with people, trying to get to the top of the status ladder. You like girls, don't you?" 

The non sequitur threw Shinohara for a loop before she realized Takatsuki was actually asking her. She felt her mouth drop open slightly before she regained control. "I don't see how that's any of your business." 

"You're asking me all these personal questions, why can't I ask you one?" Takatsuki shrugged. "Well, whatever." 

"Takatsuki-san, do you remember anything strange from your time at Ohtori?" Shinohara asked, trying to put some professionalism back into their conversation. 

Takatsuki let out a sharp laugh. "I transferred out and back in, so let me tell you. _Everything_ at Ohtori was weird. The lack of adult supervision in the dorms. The Student Council. Those ridiculous gardens. The only normal thing was the classes, and even those seemed like they were just there to mark time." She shook her head and refilled their teacups. "No, high school sucked, and I was glad to get out of there. And good riddance to 'Ohtori Academy'." 

Feeling dejected, Shinohara folded up her notebook and stood up. "Thank you for the tea, Takatsuki-san. And thank you for the afternoon." She could tell her tone wasn't exactly sincere but the conversation had left her too drained to care. _Maybe I really am wasting my time with all this…_

"Aw, Shinohara-san, don't take it personally." Shinohara looked over to see Takatsuki holding out a name card. "Look, you seem like a good kid. I wish you luck on your project." 

_I'm only, what, three years younger than you?_ Shinohara thought, trying to keep a polite smile on her face as she took the card. 

"If you need a website for your book, let me know," Takatsuki finished. She gave Shinohara a wink. 

"Thank you, Takatsuki-san," Shinohara said again. 

She left Takatsuki's house dispirited, heading back to her rental car. But she still had one more thing to do on this trip. 

Visit the Academy. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

Ohtori Academy stood at the top of the hill at the center of Houou City, the largest hill in the area. As I climbed the path back to my childhood school, I could almost imagine that I was fourteen again, and that at the top I'd find my classmates waiting to tease me for being late. When I closed my eyes I could almost hear the chatter, the happy sounds of kids being kids. 

The Academy was sealed by a mere chain-link fence, the gate not even locked. It could have been closed for brief renovations, ready to reopen at the end of the New Year vacation. As I wandered about the campus taking pictures, each building flashed into mind like it was yesterday. The front courtyard. The lecture rooms. The home ec classrooms. The kendo building. The central tower. 

In my head the buildings all looked the same as when I was a student—empty, a little worse for wear, perhaps, but still that same chalky white. But the photographs I took show that that was just my mind playing tricks. Ivy and other vines had crept up and into most buildings, and the formely immaculate gardens now spilled out onto every path, held back only by the cement laid out as sidewalks long ago. If the campus was merely sleeping, the earth had entombed it nonetheless in the long intervening years. 

I stopped for a moment in the middle school courtyard, notable for its round glass greenhouse where the most prized floral specimens were once cultivated. At the time students nicknamed it the "birdcage" for its distinctive shape. Now, though, the tree that grew outside the rose garden had forced its roots up into the frame of the greenhouse, warping the bars out of their rectangular pattern. The door no longer fit into its frame, but neither would I have been able to step inside, where a mass of thorny brambles marked the fate of the greenhouse plants when deprived of their careful ministration. 

While on campus, I got an urge to investigate the formerly forbidden forest at the west end of the grounds. This route took me past the silent bells, the unkept track, the emptied swimming pool. But though there were steps leading up to the overgrown forest, the landing revealed only a carved stone wall, vaguely suggesting the shape of a gate but with no visible seam or handle. It seemed that the so-called "Dueling Forest" was determined to keep its secrets even after the Academy's demise. 

Eventually I headed back down the hill, stopping by the South Dorm where I had lived for several years. It had been turned into a hotel, a quiet inn meant for those visiting family in the suburbs. In contrast with the Academy, frozen in time in the early 2000s, the inn gave off a comfortable, modern feeling, one that would certainly encourage visitors to renew their reservations year after year. 

I did not spend the night there; that would have been inviting the ghosts of the past a little too much. Instead I continued down into the town, my feet automatically seeking out the old familiar paths and shops I had frequented in my teenage years. There had been changes, of course, but here and there were storefronts I knew, and the shape of the streets was still the way I remembered it. The experience was bittersweet as I savored the momentary opportunity to return to my youth…while acknowledging that things could not, _should_ not, go back to the way they were. 

With reluctance I turned from the streets of Houou, closing that chapter of my life once more. 


	16. Chapter 16

Shinohara was reviewing her coworker's article before lunch when her cell phone rang. Surprised, she accidentally knocked her purse off of the table with her reaching arm. The cheerful ringtone played twice more before she was able to dig out her phone, and she frowned at the number not in her address book as she pressed the Answer button. "Hello?" 

"Hello, this is Sonoda Keiko," came a woman's voice. "Is this Shinohara Wakaba-san?" 

"Ah, yes!" Shinohara hastily pulled up her calendar to confirm that she didn't have any meetings or immediate deadlines. "Sorry, I didn't expect you to call during work hours." 

"Oh no, is this a bad time?" Sonoda sounded concerned, which struck Shinohara as a bit hypocritical. _It's been almost a month since I tried to contact her. Still…_

"Not at all," Shinohara assured the other woman as she deftly pulled her "Ohtori notebook" out of her bag. "Just give me a moment to move to a conference room, okay?" 

"Of course," said Sonoda, now sounding bemused more than anything. Had Shinohara forgotten to mention that she was a journalist in her introductory message? 

Fortunately the office was relatively quiet today, and Shinohara had no trouble finding an unused room. She closed the door and sat down at the table, switching her phone to speaker mode. "Sonoda-san? Can you hear me?" 

"Yes," answered Sonoda. 

"Good." Shinohara flipped to a blank page in her notebook. "Thank you for calling back." _Better late than never._

"Of course," said Sonoda. "You said this was about Ohtori?" 

"Yes," Shinohara confirmed. "I'm doing a project about our time there as students." She smiled, even though it wouldn't translate over the phone. "It started off as just my story, but kind of snowballed from there." 

"Sounds interesting," Sonoda said politely. "And you want to hear about my experiences?" 

Shinohara winced. "That would have been it, yes. But there's actually something else." 

Suspicion colored Sonoda's voice. "Something else?" she echoed. 

Shinohara reminded herself not to scare off the other woman. Late or not, Sonoda was doing her a favor by calling back at all, and she could easily make up some excuse and disappear again. 

"How much do you remember from the '97 school year?" she asked carefully. 

"1997? That would have been…middle school, first year." She gave a short laugh. "Not a great year." 

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to dredge up unpleasant memories," Shinohara said carefully, knowing that unpleasant memories were a large part of the project's purpose. 

"No, whatever, it was fifteen years ago," Sonoda replied, and Shinohara relaxed. The other woman's tone had shaded into something a little more casual, which Shinohara took as a sign of passing some initial test. _Even with that, though…_

The journalist tried to think of how to approach the topic delicately before giving up. "I'll just come out and say it," she began. "While investigating the project, I got a set of photographs from 1997, showing various students in an unusual dark uniform." _Never mind that I still have no idea who sent that box…_ "One of them was me. Another one was a picture of you." 

There was silence on the other end of the line, and Shinohara began to resign herself to having lost this lead after all. "Sonoda-san?" 

"That is the weirdest thing anybody has said to me since college," Sonoda eventually replied, even managing a weak chuckle. "And you _recognized_ me?" 

"Actually, it was Kiryuu Nanami-san who remembered you." 

"Nanami…" Sonoda echoed back, sans honorific, before catching herself. "And what did Kiryuu-san have to say about me?" 

Her tone had suddenly turned clinical and distant, and Shinohara grimaced. A different misstep, this time; apparently Sonoda had much stronger memories of Kiryuu than vice versa. "Nothing important," she said carefully. "She said that you hung out in school." _But that wasn't quite right,_ the reporter realized, finally connecting the face in the photograph with her vague memories of the teenage Kiryuu Nanami. 

"'Hung out.' Right," Sonoda said flatly. 

"A-anyway," Shinohara continued, trying to stay focused. "Do you remember ever wearing such a uniform?" She paused, recalling Takatsuki's dismissive reaction. "Actually, do you remember _anything_ weird from that year?" 

Sonoda was silent again, but this time it felt different. "There was something," she replied finally. "It was you mentioning Kiryuu-san that made me remember." 

Shinohara clicked her pen repeatedly, unable to keep her anticipation entirely in check. 

"It started on one of those days where it just rains from morning until midnight. This was when Kiryuu-san's brother was…sick, the first time, so I was surprised to see him out walking. Without an umbrella, even." 

The words were starting to pour out. Shinohara got the sense that Sonoda hadn't told this story to anyone in a long time, if ever. And yet to remember it in 2012, it must have been important to her… 

"S-so I offered him mine. And we walked together. And then the next day Nanami-san threatened to have me dismissed from every student activity." 

Shinohara found her voice. "She always was…protective, of her older brother." 

Sonoda snorted. "Anyway, that's not the weird part. What's weird is that the next thing I remember is waking up in the infirmary the next day." 

Shinohara sat up straight. "Wait. You got in an argument, mysteriously collapsed, woke up in the infirmary, and were perfectly fine?" 

"Yes. Didn't I just say that?" Sonoda sounded slightly annoyed. 

"The thing is—" Shinohara pressed a hand to the table, trying to contain her excitement. "The exact same thing happened to me. And to another man who was in the photos." 

Sonoda was quick. "You mean…you think something happened to all of us, after having an argument. Something that made us put on that uniform you were talking about, and led to ending up in the infirmary." 

"Everyone's been saying they were pretty upset," Shinohara pursued. "I wonder…do you think you would have gone to a counselor?" 

"Not the regular one, surely." Shinohara imagined Sonoda shaking her head for emphasis. "But maybe…I feel like there was some kind of alternative—" There was a sharp intake of breath. _"That's_ where they drugged us!" 

_"Drugged?"_ exclaimed Shinohara, shocked. Yet it made a horrible kind of sense. That would explain why they had no memories, and why they would have had to go to the infirmary after— 

"That explains it," Sonoda continued, sounding strangely breathy. "Was the Psychology room in the basement? That would explain the falling sensation too." 

"Some kind of experiment," Shinohara filled in, barely listening. "On _middle-school_ students. Well, it wouldn't even be the worst thing that happened at Ohtori…" She trailed off as she realized Sonoda was crying. 

"Oh, Shinohara-san," Sonoda said, trying to get her light sobs under control. "I just…for years I thought I was imagining things. Or that one day I'd have a relapse like…like the student council president. Or that I'd wake up again, in the Ohtori infirmary—" She cut herself off. "But I'm not the only one. It's real. It's real." 

Shinohara felt herself swept up in the other woman's revelation. When she thought about it, she had been writing her own coming-of-age story, with the history of the Academy as an afterthought. To realize that she herself had been a victim too… 

"Shinohara-san," Sonoda spoke again. "Thank you so much. I'm so glad I called today." 

"No, thank you," Shinohara answered almost automatically, but she was smiling. 

"If you're ever out in _______ Prefecture, please let me know. I mean it," the other woman said emphatically. 

"I will," Shinohara promised. 

"Thank you," Sonoda said once more, and then hung up. 

Shinohara sat for a moment, trying to digest what had just happened. Slowly she folded the notebook back up and picked up her phone. 

Her boss was standing outside the conference room. "Shinohara-san. Is everything okay?" 

Slowly a smile spread across her face. 


	17. Chapter 17

Shinohara stepped through the door into the air-conditioned restaurant. She looked around, taking in the now-familiar dark wooden paneling and comfortable ambience. _Tadaima,_ she almost felt like saying, and smiled. _I'm home._

"Shinohara-san!" called Kaoru, stepping out from amidst the tables. "It's here? You have it?" 

In answer, Shinohara reached into her bag and pulled out two items: a bound copy-shop booklet and an envelope. Her manuscript…and a contract. 

A cheer went up among the staff, and Shinohara grinned wider. Looking around she spotted Arisugawa, Kiryuu, and even Saionji, raising their hands triumphantly in her direction. 

"Here, come on, sit down," said Kiryuu, waving Shinohara over to a roped-off section of the restaurant. Kaoru and Arisugawa turned back to their customers, and Saionji disappeared into the back. 

"I hope I'm not causing any trouble," Shinohara felt she had to say, even as she took a seat in one of the booths. 

"Of course not." Kiryuu waved off the concern as she sat down across from Shinohara. "Why do you think we told you to come so late? We'll just close up a little early today." 

Shinohara blanched. "You didn't have to do that for me!" 

Kiryuu gave her a serious look. "Shinohara-san, _relax._ Do you see a lot of customers around?" 

Shinohara looked around. Indeed, there were only two tables with customers, and it looked like Arisugawa had just finished settling up the bill for one of them. Kaoru watched the pair at the other table casually, ready to bring them whatever they needed. 

"So," Kiryuu said, and Shinohara looked back at her. She was smiling. "How'd it come out?" 

A startled laugh worked its way out of Shinohara's throat. "Well, Tatsuya says it's good, but he says that about all of my non-work writing." 

Kiryuu laughed too, shaking her head. "Yeah, it sounds like he's a good friend, but that doesn't exactly make for an unbiased review." 

"Well, I did get this," Shinohara responded, tapping the envelope on the table with a grin. "So he's not the only one." 

"Of course!" Kiryuu leaned forwards. "When do we get to read it, then? I mean, you always said you wanted to wait until you finished editing it, but…that's happened now, right?" 

Shinohara blinked. "Well, I'm sure there's still more rounds of editing in my future, but…you're right." It was strange to realize she was looking _forward_ to sharing the book with Kiryuu and the others. "I'll see if they can print up another copy." 

"I'll be waiting," Kiryuu promised. 

Letting the manuscript and envelope slip onto the table, Shinohara shook her head. "I can't help but feel like it's incomplete, though." 

"Incomplete?" asked Arisugawa, coming over to them. Rather than sliding into the booth, she grabbed a nearby chair and sat down casually at the end of the table. 

Shinohara gave a shrug. "Well, you know. I think I understand why those photographs were sent to me, but there's no proof. I'm taking a risk by putting it in the book at all—if the Academy were still around the editors would probably never go for it. And I never even found out who sent that box of Ohtori things in the first place." A sigh escaped her. "I couldn't find any more information about that foreign girl, either. I dug up my own yearbooks, but she was gone starting from the '97/'98 school year." She shook her head. "All the signs pointed to _something_ happening that year, but I couldn't figure out what." 

But Kiryuu was smiling. "Don't worry about it, Shinohara-san," she said, leaning forward a bit. "It sounds like there was _plenty_ to talk about in this one." She tapped her fingers on the bound manuscript. 

"Something for the sequel, if you ever get the urge?" Arisugawa added, a teasing note in her voice. 

Shinohara pushed a smile back onto her face. "Thanks, you two." She looked down at the manuscript and the letter on the table in front of her and felt the smile become genuine again. 

"That's right, this is no night for dour faces!" Shinohara looked up to see Kaoru heading over, carrying a bottle and a set of long-necked glasses on a tray. The last two customers were heading out the door. 

"Ooh, is that…" Kiryuu began, looking back at Kaoru with anticipation. She slid over easily to make more room in the booth. 

Kaoru set the tray down on the table. "Champagne, all the way from Paris," he said with a hint of pride. "A present from my sister on her last visit. I've been waiting for a reason to celebrate." He deftly popped open the bottle and began filling the five glasses, then sat down next to Kiryuu. 

"Congratulations, Shinohara-san," offered Arisugawa, lifting a glass from the tray and tilting it in her direction. Kiryuu and Kaoru followed suit, smiling. 

"Shinohara-san," she heard, and turned to see Saionji standing over the table holding a box with a bow on top. "In honor of the occasion." 

Shinohara's eyes widened. She took the box and untied the bow, then carefully lifted out a beautiful, hand-carved wooden bird, its wings mid-beat. Beside her, Kiryuu _ooh_ -ed appreciatively. 

Feeling overwhelmed, she clutched the stand with both hands. "Saionji-senpai…" 

Arisugawa and Kiryuu burst out laughing. Shinohara realized what she had said and turned bright red before burying her face in her arms. "I'm going to go find a hole to crawl into," she said into the table. 

"Don't worry about it," Saionji said, and his smile was kinder than the others'. "I still remember what you did for me, Shinohara-san. I never expected to see you again, all these years later." 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this?" put in Kiryuu, setting down her glass. "You two _knew_ each other?" 

"I didn't think you'd _remember_ me," Shinohara admitted, still blushing. 

Saionji crossed his arms casually. "Of course I remember you!" 

"You never told us this story," said Arisugawa, sending a teasing look towards Saionji. 

"It's in the book," Shinohara replied, a grin spreading across her face. "First chapter." She picked up her own glass and took a sip. 

Saionji shook his head. "I guess it was bound to come out sooner or later," he said. There was no tension in his voice, just good-natured acceptance. 

There was a moment of quiet, with Kaoru and Kiryuu sipping at their champagne. Shinohara looked around and shook her head. "And look at me now. Here I am, friends with the student council. Only ten years too late!" 

Kiryuu laughed. "So you are, Shinohara-san. And you're welcome back any time." 

"Bring the next lady who catches your eye," said Arisugawa with a wink. 

"Because it turns out you're one of us," said Saionji. 

His tone was odd, and Shinohara saw the expressions on the faces of the other three change as they comprehended what the chief chef was implying. 

"I don't understand," she said uncertainly. 

Kiryuu looked at her. "Do you remember when you first came to interview me, and you asked about the duels?" 

Her tone was serious. Realizing that the atmosphere had changed, Shinohara simply nodded, looking the other woman in the eyes. 

"I didn't tell you anything then," Kiryuu continued. "And I know none of the others have either. But—and this does _not_ go in the book, not today—that's because we can't." 

"No real memories from inside the forest," Kaoru picked up. "Just…feelings, and flashes of blue sky. Even though the duels were always at sunset." 

"So that's what you mean," Shinohara said quietly. "When you said we were the same." Kiryuu nodded. 

"Wiped clean," said Arisugawa, with a hint of bitterness. "Only it didn't _feel_ clean. It felt like we were being stripped down to nothing, in the trappings of that game. And for Touga-san…" 

Shinohara remembered something. "Tsuwabuki-san didn't say anything about…" 

Kaoru shook his head. "We never told him. Starting in '98, the duels were just a plain old tournament. _Those_ I can remember." 

"We never quite figured out what changed," Arisugawa murmured. "But we are pretty sure about who was behind it." 

Shinohara knew it before it was said aloud, there was only one obvious answer— 

"Ohtori Akio," declared Saionji, loathing seeping into his voice. 

"How do you…" Shinohara began, though she wasn't quite sure what she was asking. 

"Because Kyouichi was there," Kiryuu explained, giving the man a soft look. "He was there with my brother when the Chairman gloated over his victory." 

Saionji shook his head. "But I couldn't do anything to get him out. I didn't even realize, at the time." He looked down into his glass, old regrets crossing his face. 

"And we have no proof," Arisugawa said flatly. "Then or now. Only our own feelings, and…" She shuddered with revulsion. 

Shinohara looked around at everyone, her eyes wide. "I'm so sorry," she said softly. "I'm so sorry that happened to you." Another piece of the puzzle had finally fallen into place, only to reveal a picture dark and bleak. 

"But," Kiryuu responded, "You're one of us too. A survivor." 

"It's not the same—" Shinohara started to object. 

"That doesn't matter," Saionji declared, matter-of-factly. "We're not here to compare pasts." 

"There's been enough of that…" Arisugawa murmured, seemingly to herself, but the others nodded. 

"It's enough that you know. And then you've done something with it," Kaoru put in. He nodded at the manuscript and raised his glass again. 

"The survivors of Ohtori stick together," Kiryuu said firmly. 

Shinohara looked around. She didn't think of herself as lonely. She had friends. But still, there was something different about people who _understood,_ in a way that even Kazami didn't. 

She smiled. "I'll make sure to come back for your brother's birthday, then," she said to Kiryuu. 

Kiryuu smiled back. "I'll be looking forward to it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bird is just a bird. But it is canon that Saionji can whittle.


	18. Chapter 18

**Excerpt from "Memoirs of a Student", by Shinohara Wakaba:**

And what became of me, the girl who still wanted to believe in fairy tales? Well, she grew up. She passed her math class, almost started a fire in home ec, and won third place in the high school badminton tournament. She learned that the feelings for those few special girls weren't just friendship, that a relationship between women could be something new and different. She learned that sometimes others are looking up to you even when you think you're just a face in the crowd, and that the people who always seem to have it together might be dealing with their own struggles, their own precarious lives that might just come crashing down. 

She learned that life isn't a fairy tale and that life isn't fair. There are some who really do have more access to power, some who have less. She learned how many great stories in life are just human justifications for human impulses and desires, even as the people involved might want to believe them themselves. 

She learned the dual importance of stories and truth, and graduated from her closed world of a boarding school to pursue a career in journalism. She learned that the grittiness and complexity of the real world far surpassed fairy tales, and she welcomed it. And of course, she was proud to achieve a stable position at an established and respected newspaper. 

And in 2012, she began writing this book, a chronicle of her own journey and that of others, and a history—or an exposé—of the notorious Ohtori Academy. The place was one-of-a-kind: a Western-style boarding school in a country that never quite acclimated to the idea, with a structure and arrogance that no one dared emulate. It was a crèche for the children of the rich and powerful, and a shelter to many who were poor and isolated. But, at least in its later years, the Academy was also home to an abuser, Ohtori Akio, whose influence stretched throughout the school like a spiderweb and eventually brought about its downfall. Thus ended a hundred-year-old academic institution, its image now forever tainted. 

The making of this book connected me with friends and former classmates all across Japan, and dug up stories that some probably would have preferred to keep buried. _Memoirs of a Student_ is an act of truth and an act of defiance against those people, who abused and manipulated the lives of children. 

I owe a great deal of thanks to my editor and agent, as well as my local friends and supporters: Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, Kazami Tatsuya, Kiryuu Nanami, and Saionji Kyouichi. 

This book is dedicated to the survivors of Ohtori. May we all find peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to explain how the Special Thanks names are sorted the way they would be in Japanese (by kana), but it turns out that they're English-alphabetical already as well. What a coincidence. (Oh, and Tatsuya maintained his place in that list despite not being part of the Student Council. What can I say, he was Wakaba's first beta reader.)
> 
> So, this is the end of _Memoirs._
> 
> When I started the project, I didn't know where it was going to end up, which led to a number of hints and plot threads that aren't quite tied up. Wakaba could sense this too (hence the complaints in Chapter 17), but unlike our star reporter, I'm pretty satisfied with how it all turned out. There was never any chance of the real story coming out in full, so the challenge was figuring out what truths she could reveal. I'm happy with how well Black Rose ended up fitting that goal. Wakaba may not have the full story about Akio, and she certainly doesn't have a lead on Anthy or Utena (sadly, but magic is thorough, and accidental clues weren't going to last fifteen years), but she's learned something about her own past, and she's managed to help others in doing so. One of the major themes in _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ is growing up, and I'd like to think that's true of _Memoirs_ as well.
> 
> Some behind-the-scenes notes:
> 
> I didn't mean to write Kozue out of the story, but that's just how it turned out. Given what the other Black Rose duelists had to contribute, I'm not sure what I would have done with her anyway; the pacing didn't need another interview that didn't move things along. The champagne in Chapter 17 was a small recognition of that omission.
> 
> (Speaking of which, I think Shiori's chapter is my favorite. Every single chapter has at least one or two things I really like, but the contrast to everyone else's fond or not-so-fond reminiscences was so much fun. Hopefully it didn't flag people's "OOC" detector…but remember, fifteen years is a long time.)
> 
> Touga was actually originally going to make an appearance in Chapter 17, along with the original Student Council egg speech. But Chapter 17 ended up long and eventful enough as it was, and it didn't really seem necessary in the end. This did get me off the hook of having to solve the problem introduced way back in Chapter 3: what _is_ he like now? But I tried to answer that anyway: repeated magic-induced amnesia plus the same abuse suggested in the show led to a sort of combination of PTSD and Alzheimer's. Something that everyone had to some degree, but that ended up breaking Touga altogether. (Apologies to the reviewer who wanted to see the birthday party, but without further plot to go on it would be anticlimactic.)
> 
> Finally, if you didn't catch the joke when it was made, the "Eiko" who sent Wakaba the box of Ohtori hints is A-ko, from the shadow girls. At least in this continuity, I saw the shadow girls as overall neutral-aligned in the saga of Ohtori, but still supporting the continuation of the story. Most of the other unfamiliar names in _Memoirs_ are taken from the staff of the show and are not intended to be particularly significant.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
